Christmas Stress – How to Cope Better

Are you too busy or tired to think?  Have you got so many things to do you don’t know where to start?  Right, stop and think – it is actually what you need to do.  When all those to-dos are whirling around in your head it can be hard to know what is actually going on.  Often those to-dos, don’t consider the ‘how’ either.  They just keep pestering your mind, interrupting your flow, hold you back and make you feel stressed.

So, grab some paper and a pen (quaint I know but let’s move away from technology for a few moments) and start writing.  But don’t just start writing your jobs down – you need a title.  What are you aiming to achieve?  Maybe you could have a positive sounding title of “Smooth-Running Christmas Day”, “Reducing Christmas Stress”, or “Planning for Christmas Day Fun”.  Do not have anything in that title which will add pressure, such as the word “Perfect” – it doesn’t exist, not really (see next item).

Now for the task list:

• Write down the main things that need to happen – not the detail! Leave a nice big space between each one to add the detail, or use separate pages for each main item.  Ideas for this could be: “breakfast”, “visit ….”, “dinner” etc
• Add in the main tasks within those things – still not the specific detail
• Add in the detail
• Work out the priorities – which things really matter (e.g. cooking the meat through properly); and which things are nice-to-haves (e.g. reception drinks set out in the hall).
• Consider what can be done in advance, and when. Does anything HAVE to be done in advance (such as defrosting food)?
• Can you delegate or employ team work? Remember you don’t need perfection!  Roping in children may seem like the task will take longer and be more stressful, but your children may learn skills and learn what is involved in the day.  Also, you will both be doing the same task so they won’t be pestering you and diverting your thoughts and energy away to other unhelpful activities.
• If you can’t get the family involved (some may simply be too young), add them to your to-do list. What will you do with them while you do what you need to do?  Send them out into the garden with activities?  Give the indoor activities to do?  Or even put on a favourite Christmas film to keep them quiet for an hour (don’t forget to give them snacks and a drink before the film starts!).  I’m not a fan of using the TV as a baby-sitter but sometimes it is necessary and if you don’t do it often, your children may consider it a special treat!
• Don’t forget about the other things you have planned this week too. Factor those into your time.  Even eating is an important thing – can you bulk cook so you get a dinner and lunch prepared in one go to save some time?  Make sure you take time to eat and get some rest.  See below for more info…

Now, your mind should feel a little clearer and you can see your priorities and what are quick things to do in advance to make the other tasks easier.  Quick tasks are great feel-good tasks because they don’t take long but mean that you can start ticking things off the list!.  If you think of anything else you need to do – don’t stress about it, add it to your list.

Make sure you cross jobs off as you go – it feels good, and helps you to see what is left to be done.

The Christmas Day food is planned.  But what about the rest of the week?  It is important to nourish your body to keep you healthy, give you energy and to manage your stress.  If your body is not feeling good, this will add to your mental load.  For further motivation to make sure you eat well look up my blog series about the nutrients we need for energy: https://alible.diet/?s=energy

It can be hard to rest with lots on your mind, but sleep is important.  If you’ve completed the tasklist tip, this will be easier.  It seems obvious to think that the way to create more time in the day is to extend your waking hours, but this only works if you are productive!  If you are too tired to do the jobs, then each will take longer and you don’t get any extra done.

Sleep is important for the mind and body to repair itself – getting too little on a regular basis may lead to health problems.  If you are more productive in a morning, go to bed earlier so that you can get up early; if you are more productive in the evening, don’t get up any earlier than you normally need to.

While guests fussing around and trying to take over may feel even more stressful, don’t ‘cut your nose off to spite your face’.  Accept help when it’s offered.  If it’s the wrong kind of help, suggest something else that the person could help you with instead.  This can take pressure off you and avoids insulting your helpful guests.  Maybe guests can help in the planning stage by arranging one of the food items for you – does anyone like to make trifle, for example?

However, when you know you have many things to do, don’t feel you have to say ‘yes’ to every invitation you get, or every request for help that you receive.  Juggling too much is likely to add to your Christmas stress.  Prioritise the events that you really want to attend and add them to your diary/calendar to help you plan.  As for helping others on request, can you do any of the tasks as part of jobs you are already doing, or do they require a special effort that you really will struggle to fit in?  Maybe there is an alternative task that you can help with, if you don’t want to refuse completely; or maybe the person asking you would be able to help with one of your tasks (they may already be doing it themselves anyway, or they could be more skilled in that particular activity than you and will find it easier).

Memories are not built based on how perfect somewhere looks or how perfectly the day is run (unless of course you are in the hospitality industry!).  It is the experiences that people remember – spending time together, sharing, playing silly games and doing festive quizzes.  All of those things you can do over video call if you can’t physically meet up with people (you share the experience and fun).

Sometimes things going wrong is what creates the memory – it may seem terrible to you at the time, but it will be remembered lovingly at future Christmases.

Also perfection is often just a self-imposed stress, and it doesn’t really exist.  There will always be something that could have been different, better or something that someone else does that would have been nice for you to have done.  Besides, your family and/or guests won’t be holding you to the same standards that you hold yourself.  They probably won’t even notice if things aren’t just as you want them – they will notice not spending time with you because you are too busy or hiding away taking a breather!

Instead of worrying about perfection, look away from your task list, pause and look around.  How do things look?  Does the room look presentable?  Is the food preparation under control?  You’re not looking for specifics here, simply at the view your family and guests will have.  Taking this moment allows you to enjoy what you have achieved and notice the important things.

Take some time to clear your head, even if it really feels like you don’t have time.  Stand out in the garden, yard or on your balcony and take a moment to just breathe, away from all the pressure.  If these places are not an option, stand looking out of an open window.  Just taking time to breathe can help reduce your stress levels.  If you want to apply some breathing techniques to increase the benefits, take a look at these from Doctor Rangan Chatterjee: https://drchatterjee.com/5-breathing-techniques-help-reduce-stress/.

If you can find 10 minutes or more, wrap-up and go for a walk.  Winter walks can be very beneficial mentally and physically (read my blog about this here: https://alible.diet/winter-walks/ ).

–

I hope these tips help reduce your Christmas stress so that you can enjoy the festive season.  If you find them helpful, consider employing them to your life generally to help you manage stress at any time of the year.